DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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