I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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