i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
