I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
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Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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