Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
