I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize