so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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