Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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