The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
