you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
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