he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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