Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
