you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
