He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
