Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
