I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
