When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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