possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
