Welp...herpes.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
