dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
