There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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