today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
