If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
