Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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