Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
