So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
