Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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