I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
