Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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