do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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