Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
