When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
