She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
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my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
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she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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