is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
