i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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