i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
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I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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