I skipped work to stalk him.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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