I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize