At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
