May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
