I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
