This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
