I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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