last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize