i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
nutella sex= disaster
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
