woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just high enough for therapy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
