Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
