I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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