Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
