dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Congratulations! We have a period
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