I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
