if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
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The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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