i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
