wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
