yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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