Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
