vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
