so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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